Finding Peace in Pain
It’s often hard to understand why we go through pain and sadness. At times, it can feel like God is far away, doesn’t care, or is punishing us. When life gets tough, it’s easy to question whether God is really there. If God cares about us, why does he let so much heartache and grief touch our lives?
Not long ago, someone asked me to write down the ten hardest moments of my life. Losing my close cousin to COVID was at the top of the list. We prayed for her, and I kept asking, "Why?" Why Sandra? Why now?”
I felt disappointed in God. How could this happen to her, her family, and her friends? Hard times can really change how we see things.
I faced something similar during another tough time. When my daughter was four and a half, she got a splinter in her finger and came to me crying, "Daddy, it hurts, make it stop." You probably know what comes next. I got the tweezers, some alcohol, and a needle. She saw the needle, looked at me, and asked through tears, "Is it going to hurt?" I always tried to be honest with her, so I said, "Yes, Andrea, it will hurt, but we need to take the splinter out, or it will get worse."
Before she could get away, I held her still and started working on the splinter. She squirmed and screamed, "No, daddy, please don't hurt me." It broke my heart, but I knew I had to help her. As hard as it was, that moment taught me something important.
When I let her go, I expected her to run off. Instead, she turned and hit my chest with her fists, shouting,
"I HATE YOU, I HATE YOU, I HATE YOU!"
I think most of us have felt that way at some point.
Her reaction surprised me, but I understood how she felt. I had hurt her on purpose to help her. I let her cry until she calmed down. Then I picked her up, sat in my chair, and held her until she stopped sobbing. As I rocked her, a poem came to mind as if God was whispering something important to me. It goes like this:
As I held her there in Daddy's chair, God spoke to my heart.
Not with words heard by the ear; we weren't that far apart.
You are much like her to me, so this I'll tell you, true.
The hurt and pain that's in your life, I'll faithfully remove.
I understand your anger, hurt, and disappointment too.
I love you more than you love her.
Don't you think I do?
That day, more than thirty years ago, I had an epiphany and a sudden change of perspective. I realized that God is not a genie in a bottle waiting to do my bidding. He is a faithful father caring for me despite myself, and he doesn't mind when I throw a fit. That understanding reshaped how I saw his care.
Have you ever tried to comfort a crying baby? It doesn't do any good to go over to the small child and yell, "Shut Up! Be Quiet!" It ain't gonna work. What does a mother or father do? They pick up the baby, bounce or rock them, and sing. We seem to naturally know how to comfort our children, sometimes despite ourselves. Isn’t it funny that we don’t seem to remember how to comfort ourselves when we need to?
If you believe that God is real, what is he like? How does he interact with us? How can we know? Sometimes we may think of God as distant, watching, condemning, judging. But the Christian Bible indicates that God loves us. Think about what it says about God's interaction with us:
"God will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing." -Zephaniah 3
When my daughter was young and frightened or upset, I would take her in my arms, comfort her, and sing over her. I was not angry or upset over her smallest concern, but delighted in her. In the same way, God can quiet your concerns, fears, and insecurities as he holds you in his arms and sings over you. That is the comfort I want you to imagine.
Sometimes we need to quiet all the noise, all the thoughts, all the distractions. Turn off the phone. Take a deep breath and let it out with all the burdens of the day or night. Then listen. You may hear the quiet voice of God singing over you, and that is where peace can begin.
