When the Darkness Feels Endless: Four Lifelines for Surviving Suffering

Written By H Taylor

Mental illness still carries a real stigma, and this often leads people to suffer quietly. DrugWatch.com offers helpful guides about mental health, including topics like anxiety, depression, and available treatments.

If you are thinking about suicide, please take a moment and reach out to one of these resources for immediate help.

Suicide Hotlines in The United States

  • In the U.S., dial 988

  • Crisis Text Line -Text HOME to 741741

  • National Suicide Prevention Lifeline - Call 1-800-273-8255

  • Trans Lifeline - Call 1-877-565-8860 (for the transgender community)

  • TrevorLifeline - Call 1-866-488-7386 (for LGBTQ youth)

  • Veterans Crisis Line - Call 1-800-273-8255, Press 1

  • http://www.suicide.org/hotlines/suicide-hotlines-us.html

Suffering - dark tunnel - no light

Deep ocean crushing life.

Lonely space - no friend in sight

Suffocating, blinding, stormy night

When we are in pain, hearing advice about how it will help us is often the last thing we want. Many writers online offer encouragement to keep going, have hope, and look for the light at the end of the tunnel.

When we are hurting, our main wish is for the pain to end. Happiness can feel impossible, and stopping the suffering becomes our only goal. There are therapies, doctors, medications, and other options that can help, but they have limits and sometimes drawbacks.

There are no simple solutions, but staying alive is most important. Here are some tips that may help you through your hardest times.

Tip #1: Stay alive.

This might sound simple, but suffering really does change how we see ourselves, our situation, others, and life as a whole.

The CDC reports the following statistics for the year 2020 (just in the United States alone):

  • 12.2 million people considered suicide

  • 3.2 million made a plan to carry it out

  • 1.2 million attempted

  • 45,000+ died by suicide

How can you stay alive? There are two main ways, and you might want to try both.

  1. Reach out to someone you trust or use one of the helplines listed above. If you do not get help right away, keep trying until you find the support you need.

  2. Try to help someone else, even in small ways. You might listen to someone or do something kind for them. Taking action can shift your focus and help you feel more connected.

  3. If you are open to it, try praying or meditating for support, no matter what you believe. This can bring comfort or clarity during tough times.

It can be very hard to take action when you do not feel like it. Often, we find reasons not to do things. Sometimes, the best you can do is set your feelings aside, get up, and just start moving. This leads to Tip #2.

Tip #2: Practice mindfulness.

Stress often comes with suffering. But how can we lower our stress when we feel lost in pain?

Mindfulness is very popular these days, and you will find it mentioned almost everywhere. There is plenty of information available, so I will not cover the basics here, but I can say from personal experience that it works. For a good overview of its benefits, see Courtney Ackerman's article, "23 Amazing Health Benefits of Mindfulness for Body and Brain." Courtney shares a study by Remmers, Topolinski, & Koole (2016):

"Mindfulness can also help alleviate stress by improving emotion regulation, leading to a better mood and better ability to handle stress" – Remmers, Topolinski, & Koole, 2016

There is now even stronger evidence for the physical benefits of mindfulness. Harvard researchers found that mindfulness meditation can have lasting positive effects on the brain and help reduce stress, even when you are not meditating.

Lowering stress helps us think more clearly and make better choices. When suffering continues, we often cannot remove the cause, whether it is a health problem, a loss, or something else beyond our control. Sometimes, the best we can do is cope and keep going.

Tip #3: Grieve, then change.

A few years ago, I experienced a difficult loss. What helped me most was knowing my daughter needed me and felt she had no one else. I went through many days and months of pain. Sometimes, when my daughter was at school, all I could do was lie on the floor and cry. It felt like my heart had been broken into pieces.

I strongly suggest letting yourself cry and release your emotions if you can. Feeling angry, even at God, can help. Please do not hurt yourself, others, or damage anything. Hugging a large pillow can help muffle the noise or bring comfort when you are tired. At the time, people talked about the light at the end of the tunnel, but all I saw was darkness and despair.

Eventually, I made it through the pain. It took a lot of effort and focus, sometimes just getting through one moment at a time. My biggest breakthrough was realizing my attitude was holding me back. When I started to change my outlook on purpose, my suffering eased. This is something I still practice, moment by moment.

If you feel hopeless, try to focus on your breathing. Take it one breath at a time and remind yourself to get through just the next moment.

Tip #4: Don't let go.

You have probably heard the story of the little boy in his room alone, afraid of the dark. Mom comes in and tries to talk him out of his fear, saying, "God is watching over you; there's nothing to be afraid of." The boy responds, "Yes, but I need someone with skin on them."

Even though we have more ways to connect than ever, many people still feel lonely. We all want real human connection, empathy, and compassion—someone "with skin on." If you feel alone, it can be hard to find help, and others may not reach out. When you can, try to help someone else or listen to them. Research shows that helping others is also good for your own health.

Hold on to life. You never know what good change the next five minutes might bring.

When we are in pain, stopping the suffering is all that matters, and taking action can feel impossible. I will always remember the story of John O'Leary, a young boy who survived a nearly fatal accident. I met him years later, and his survival was truly a miracle, though it came with great pain. During his hardest times, a man named Jack Buck visited him in the hospital and never gave up on him. We should strive to be that kind of support for others.

References

Written by H Mark Taylor - An Independent Certified Coach, Teacher, Trainer, and Speaker with Maxwell Leadership Certified Team

© copyright 2022

H Taylor
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