Chapter Three

If Only: Finding Joy Beyond Regret 

IF ONLY... 

You can fill in the blank.

IF ONLY I didn’t do what I did.
IF ONLY I did something different.
IF ONLY I had chosen differently, or not made that choice at all.

Sometimes, instead of saying "if only," we say "I wish." Maybe you’ve thought, "I wish I hadn’t..." or "I wish things had turned out differently..." When these thoughts stick around, I get distracted. Out of nowhere, I’ll remember an ad for term life insurance.
One ad I remember says, "For the best term life insurance, call Big Lou. Big Lou is like you! He's on meds too!"

Some people think of God like Big Lou, someone you turn to when you need help. Instead of making a call, we pray. We hope that if we’ve been good and God feels generous, He’ll help us. When we’re in trouble, we often try to fix things ourselves first, then ask others, or even turn to unhealthy habits. Still, the problem often stays, leaving us with regret, loss, or blame.

These thoughts about regret make me think of Joni Eareckson Tada, for whom I often pray. Her family was very active; her dad was an alternate for the U.S. Olympic wrestling team. In 1967, when Joni was seventeen, she made a decision that changed her life. Wanting one last swim, she dove into the Chesapeake Bay, thinking the water was deep, but it wasn’t. She immediately realized that she was injured and unable to move. Today, she is paralyzed from the shoulders down.

After her accident, Joni Eareckson became a leader in disability advocacy and faith. Her journey was hard. I once heard her talk about her darkest days in the hospital, unable to move and wishing she could end her life. She couldn’t, and no one would help. Thankfully, she kept going. Her struggles have helped many people find joy, love, and peace. This isn’t simple, and I don’t want to make it sound easy.

Joni's story brings up a big question for many people: Can God heal? People have different opinions, but I believe He can. Still, many of us wonder why healing or happiness doesn’t always come to us or those we love. There’s no simple answer. It’s one of the main mysteries of faith and pain.

To illustrate further, there’s a story in the Bible about Jesus raising a man named Lazarus, who had been dead for at least four days. If we believe the story, Lazarus wasn’t just sleeping; he was really dead, with no breath, no heartbeat, nothing. Jesus went to the grave, a cave with a stone in front, spoke to a crowd, and Lazarus came back to life.
Let’s stop and think about this. Lazarus wasn’t the only person who had died; others died in places Jesus visited, too. Why did Jesus choose Lazarus and not someone else? Wouldn’t people want Jesus to do the same for their loved ones? I know I would. There’s also the story of Jesus at the Pool of Bethesda, where many people with disabilities hoped for healing. He chose someone who had been sick for thirty-eight years. Why that person? It’s still a mystery.

Since Jesus’s time, people have shared many stories about miracles. Some people make money from these stories, and amazing tales, like those about Area 51, grab our attention. Some believe these stories, while others try to prove them wrong. Either way, they entertain us. When it comes to miracles, even recent ones, there’s often not much evidence. Many people try to explain miracles as myths or science. If someone was dramatically healed, shouldn’t there be some medical proof?

After all this, remember that I’m not an expert. Take what helps you and leave the rest. If God is real and loves us, as the Bible says, then miracles should still happen. Just because I haven’t seen one doesn’t mean they aren’t real. I haven’t visited many places people talk about, but I still believe they exist. I believe George Washington was real, even though I only know about him from what others say. I think the Earth is round, not flat. Sometimes, I believe things based on what others report.

What if the miracle you’re hoping for isn’t a dramatic healing, but the ability to let go of your "IF," your wishes, your regrets, and your sorrow, and replace them with "JOY"? Not someday, but right now, today. This change is possible, and I’ve experienced it. I’ll share what I’ve learned to help you find it too.

This is just my perspective, and I can’t say if it will work for you, but I’ve relied on it many times. Here’s some background to help explain. In the Bible, God protects those He loves and corrects them when they go off track. But whenever people take the time and effort to reach out to God and look for His guidance, He never seems to let them down. It’s like someone hoping their loved one will return their feelings. Even a small change of heart can make that person run to embrace their beloved.

I know some people see God as harsh or destructive. But when I look at history, society, and the Bible as a whole, I don’t see it that way. That’s just my view, and you might not agree. Still, I encourage you to read the whole story before making up your mind or believing what others say.

Here’s the main point. If God is real, as the Bible says, then He cares deeply about you and wants you to put aside your phone, iPad, television, sports, and entertainment to focus on Him. You can call it prayer, meditation, a conversation, or whatever you like. By doing this, you might experience something God offers that you don’t have yet: Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness, and Self-control.

Lazarus’ sister Martha was busy making a meal for everyone, while her sister Mary was in the other room with people listening to Jesus. Martha was frustrated that her sister wasn’t helping her and told Jesus about it. His reply was not what she expected.

“Martha, you are concerned about many things, but Mary has chosen the better part.”
Have you noticed that people who are always busy often have less peace and joy in what they do? They might feel frustrated, bitter, angry, or upset. The answer isn’t to take a pill, have a smoke, sip a drink, or just try to relax. Talking to someone might help for a little while, but nothing outside of us can really fix the behaviors or memories causing our stress. 

Usually, we need to change what we do. As for memories, we can’t change them, but we can look at the past differently, maybe from God’s perspective instead of just our own.
Have you ever noticed how older couples sometimes start to look alike after being together for years? In a similar way, the more time you spend with God, the more you begin to understand things that once seemed impossible. You start to see what you couldn’t see before, hear what you couldn’t hear, and feel more joy and strength to handle pain than you ever thought possible. Even a small change in perspective can shift your thoughts, feelings, and outlook.